I have become the annoying version of myself

I am moody. 
I cry at episodes of the The Office.  Really?  It is supposed to make me laugh! 
I try to think about things other than the baby, but it is sort of impossible.  This thing is controlling my life at this point so it is hard not to talk/think about it 24/7.
I snap at my husband for stupid reasons.  Like when he accidentally knocks something out of my hand.  I know this is an accident.  I tell myself not to snap.  I still snap.
I get way annoyed at people for the simplest things.  I may have given someone the evil eye on my way to work this morning for looking at me.  It's that bad.
I want everything my way.  Especially when it comes to the baby.  My clothes don't fit.  I can't wear my wedding rings because I'm suddenly allergic.  I have to take what feels like a million medicines a day.  Let me decorate the nursery how I want, dang it!
In my rare moments of sanity, I realize I am probably the most annoying person on the planet.  Please pray for my husband.

One Day, This Will Be a Really Funny Story

A couple nights ago, the Grape Juice Fiasco happened.  I won't go into details (if you really want to know, ask my mother in law, she loves telling the story) but suffice to say my baby controlled body does not like grape juice and therefore said grape juice ended up all over my house.  Yikes.  It was terrible but my husband was an absolute champ.  He cleaned up everything after wiping up my tears, telling me I was still cute (he is such a liar, but a lovable one), and sending me to the shower.   My dad, who was already planning to stay the night, arrived not long after I got in the shower and helped him.  Do I not have the best men in my life ever?!  I definitely think so.  When all the clean up was done and we were sitting in the den chatting, my dad said "Well, one day this will be a really funny story."  I just had to laugh because he was totally right and I feel like that statement pretty much applies to everything with this pregnancy so far.  It wasn't fun at the time, but I'm thankful I'm a person who can laugh at myself eventually.  And now I have plenty of stories ready for the baby about all the trouble he or she caused even before they were born and the wonderful dad (and grandad) they have that took care of me through it all. 
I have also learned a lot about the gospel and my own faith through this pregnancy.   It has been an extremely emotional ride from the very beginning full of highs and lows, but then that's how life is.  We can't be happy all the time.  Things won't always go the way we want them to.  Grape juice fiascos hit all of us sometime. :)  The trick is learning to cheerfully endure all the bad stuff until we move past it and onto better things.  So until the day I'm holding a little baby in my arms who is going to make all of this worth it, I'm just going to laugh and say "One day, this will all be a funny story." :)

***

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry.  I prefer to laugh.  Crying gives me a headache."

-Marjorie Pay Hinckley

ZzZzzzz

What have I been doing lately?  Sleeping.  For hours and hours.  Usually I just tag it on to whatever else I had planned to do that evening.  All my activities now have /sleeping added to the end.  Eating/sleeping.  Reading/sleeping.  TV watching/sleeping.  Talking to Cory/sleeping.  You get the picture.  I sometimes even take a nap during my afternoon break at work.  Sitting up in my chair.  I am THAT tired some (okay, most) days and have gotten pretty good at sleeping in non bed environments.  This becomes problematic when we have guests over I'm supposed to be entertaining them and instead I fall asleep in my chair mid conversation.  Yikes. 
Basically, growing a baby talks a lot of energy apparently.    I am still coming to terms with this baby over the amount of sleep it requires me to have.  If I try and stay up too late, anytime past 10, I start feeling sick.  That will teach me, huh?  Once again, I try and fight the battle for control and lose.  Oh well.  At least now I have started to have random burst of energy some days which is better than nothing.  I even woke up and made Cory breakfast the other morning.  So I'm not quite Rip Van Winkle, but I'm getting close.  :)

Book Worm Wednesday: My List

So writing a spiel about books I have read takes more energy than I currently have at the moment.  So instead I wanted to share a list of some books I want to read but haven't yet.  Some are out already and some will be released later this year.  Now that I have a library card, the list just keeps expanding and I can't say how much I love the library.  A part of going there makes me feel a little strange, like "How can I be allowed to read all these books for FREE?!"  I am very lucky to live in a county with such an awesome library!  Anyway, on to the list!

1. The Help - I'm not sure why I've gone so long without reading this.  It is definitely the type of book I like but I think all the hype dissuaded me.  I'm not a huge fan of "blockbuster books" but I really want to read this one now.

2. Clockwork Prince - This is the second book in a series I'm reading and doesn't come out until December.  I started reading it before I knew what steampunk was but now I'm in love.

3. The Name of the Star - This one comes out next month and it is a mystery series about a Jack the Ripper copycat.  I've read a few things by the author, Maureen Johnson, who is so very funny so I'm interested to see what this is going to be like.

4.  Twelfth Night- I'm trying to throw more classics into my reading rotation and I actually really like Shakespeare.  I read a few of his plays when I was at school in England and really liked them.  I like that the stories are so familiar and timeless.

That isn't even close to starting my list but making babies takes a lot of energy out of you.  I'm off to have a lie down and watch some HGTV! :)

16 Weeks Appointment: Drama, Drama, Drama

I saw a new doctor for my appointment yesterday, which will happen for most of my upcoming appointments. I’m in a pretty big practice (8 doctors) and they like you to see everyone because you don’t know who will be on call when your baby is born. Before today I had only seen my doctor and one other doctor both of whom I just loved. They made me feel totally at ease and I felt like they really cared about me and my baby. That is definitely not how I felt yesterday. First of all, the doctor’s (I shall call him doctor x) phone rings as he is walking into the room and instead of saying “Excuse me, I’ll be right back” he proceeds to answer the phone right there and carry on a 5 minute conversation while I’m just sitting there. Granted, as far as I could tell it was work related but still not a great first impression. At this point I don’t even know his name. I do, however, know the name of the person he is speaking to on the phone (Candace). He finally says “Sorry about that. Doctor X.” He then proceeds to scan my chart at record speed “X, Y, Z looks good” he says. “Umm…I’ve lost 4 pounds since my last visit. Should I be worried about that?” He then tells me that I shouldn’t and I’m trying to tell him somewhat about how I’ve been feeling and slowly fading into mumbling because I can tell he really doesn’t care. He walks over pulls out the bed extender and then just looks at me like I am apparently supposed to know what I am doing. As this is my first appointment in the OB suite, I have no clue but assume lying down is the right choice. He doesn’t ever tell me what he is going to do, he just starts measuring my stomach and then listening to the heartbeat without saying anything about it. I try to tell the story about the first time Dr. Holladay tried to find the heartbeat but I had just had a sugar test and the munchkin was moving around like crazy so he never could get it and had to do an ultrasound so we could see the heartbeat. His response was “Oh, that’s good.” Deadpan. Not even a smile or a comment about my baby already having its first sugar high. By this point I’m so ready to get out of there and it has only been about 5 minutes. He never asks me if I have any questions or concerns. Apparently the phrase “Everything looks great” is supposed to clear up all worries a first time expecting mother has. As soon as I’m out of the exam room and have paid my bill, I go straight to Dr. Holladay’s office. He is my main doctor and told me he wants me to stop by after all my visits just to let him know how I’m doing. I see his nurse outside his office and she is immediately all smiles and asks how I am doing. Dr. Holladay is in the O.R. and won’t be back for another 15 minutes or so but she tells me I am welcome to stay and wait if I want to talk to him, or I can ask her any questions I have. I tell her about my weight loss and problems eating and she gives me some suggestions and tells me that the baby will get what it needs even if I don’t. I ask her about my new allergic reaction to my wedding rings. Apparently it’s the alkaline in the metal. She told me I looked great and had a glow. The entire conversation just made me feel so much better. I finally get that feeling I needed: some cares about me and my baby.

Overall, I LOVE my practice and until today I hadn’t had a single bad experience (unless I count the blood draw, but that is pretty typical anywhere I have my blood drawn). Everyone else I’ve met with has just been beyond nice. So I don’t hate my practice; I just had a bad appointment. After I left, I called my sister in law who goes to the same practice and Dr. X is her least favorite as well. He delivered one of my nephews and she said he did a great job in delivery though so that is somewhat comforting. He just doesn’t have the best bedside manner I guess. Maybe I’m being harsh but this man could deliver my baby. Is a little small talk to make me feel more comfortable too much to ask? I don't think so.

My dad (who is a doctor, FYI) says I am just used to having extra special care and just regular care doesn't cut it with me anymore, which is probably true. My pediatrician was my dad's best friend. The nurse practitioner I saw in college worked with my dad for years and years and I had known her just as long. Now, I go to the doctors care where my dad works sometimes and spend my entire visit hearing how awesome he is from everyone, not to mention I rarely have to wait. I found Dr. Holladay on my own and got pretty lucky I think. So the point is: I'm used to feeling extra special at the doctor. Does that make me spoiled? Probably, but I think everyone deserves to feel like that especially when expecting their first baby. I'm going to give the next doctor a chance but if I'm still not happy I will insist on seeing Dr. Holladay from then on out. I'm not sure what they will say to that, but I am determined to do that no matter what they say. After all, I'm paying them for my care so it should be the care I want.

Baby Watts is doing just great in there as far as I can tell. I thought we would be able to have the ultrasound at my next appointment but Dr. X wants to wait until I’m 24 weeks (another reason not to like him). So now we have the long wait to the first week in October to know if we are having a boy or girl!

More Positive Thoughts

I had written a few more posts about my first trimester before the one I posted this morning.  I was ready to write about everything, but just not in a way that was anywhere near positive and I just could not subject the world at large to my unhappy ramblings.  Especially when I am really very happy, just not when I think about my first trimester. :)  So now THAT post is out of the way, I am excited to start talking happy baby thoughts!  Here are just a few anecdotes from pregnancy thus far...

The BELLY
Cory wants my belly to be huge and he wants it to happen yesterday.  That has been his biggest complaint about my pregnancy by far:  "Your belly isn't big enough!"  After I fix my plate, he is constantly adding things to it, which unfortunately I know I won't be able to eat.  I rarely am able to finish a meal these days.  But I suppose it is nice to have a husband so supportive of my "baby fat." haha.

What's in a NAME?
Want to start world war three in our house?? Just ask what we are naming this child.  We can't agree on ANYTHING.  I keep saying we are just going to call him or her "baby" until he or she is old enough to decide what they want to be called.

My PRECIOUS
The baby has several nick names so far, but my boss calls him or her "Precious." I happened to say one day how I think it is crazy that people think just because there is a baby in the same room/store/ect. they have a right to touch it.  Being born in the winter means my baby is going to be hands off for sure.  I am already practicing my evil eye to discourage any well meaning Grannies thinking of touching my baby with their germ filled hands.  Maybe this is a little extreme, but that is how I feel.  Hands off my baby!

It ate my BRAIN
Speaking of nicknames, I most often refer to our little munchkin as "Zombie Baby" because he or she has eaten my brain.  I seriously can't think like I used to.  I feel like such a dummy sometimes and just say "Zombie Baby strikes again!"

I'm feeling FRUITY
My appetite has been really spotty.  A lot of the time it hard to eat anything.  It's not that the food tastes bad, I just can't make myself eat it.  Meat is the worst. I have already said my child may be a vegetarian.  There is one exception to this:  fruit.  For example, today I have eaten 3 plums and will probably eat a 4th before the night is over.  No matter how I'm feeling, I can always eat it and it has been so awesome to have "that thing" I can always eat.

I was going to try and get some fun images for this but yikes. Google image searches are dangerous. Whatever you do, DO NOT google image search "zombie baby." I thought they may have a cute cartoon or something but now I feel totally disturbed. I think a Jane Austen movie may be in order.

The Best Laid Plans...

I had planed to have a very active pregnancy.  I was going to continue doing everything I had done before.  I was going to work out most nights of the week.  I was going to keep up with the house work.  I was definitely NOT going to become a helpless wreck.  Then, at 8 weeks, the day before I was supposed to be going to girls camp, I had a subchorionic bleed.  Which for me, started with a hemorrhage and was extremely scary.  Thankfully, it resolved itself and everything is fine now but until a few weeks ago the list of things I could do was extremely limited.  For me, that was really hard.  I like to be busy and taking care of things; however, I needed to learn to rely on other people sometimes.  Cory basically forced that on me.  Anytime I would try to do the least little thing around the house he would say "What are you doing?!" and steer me back to the couch.  In the beginning, I couldn't leave the house and had to send him to the grocery store alone.  He called me 5 minutes into his trip because he couldn't find anything.  This is funny because we almost always go grocery shopping together. The thing is, I have the list of things we need and he wanders around tossing in all the random things he likes the look of, apparently not paying much attention to where those things are located. :)  Anyway, I can't say I'm happy that I went through that time and I'm definitely glad to have it behind me, but I am grateful for the lessons I learned.  I guess it will come in handy when I have a baby to take care of and all those things that seemed so important before go completely out the window. :)
Some Positive Side Effects from A Not Very Fun Experience:
1.  I had 5 ultrasounds before I was 12 weeks.  I have seen my baby's face, arms, and legs.  I have seen him or her squiggling around.  I watched him or her grow from a little blob to a sort of alien baby.  I have seen his or her heart beating which is the most wonderful sight in the world when you are worried about your baby.  I feel extremely blessed to have been able to have all those experiences.
2.  I know all the best places to find a parking spot in the garage.
3.  I have an awesome relationship with my doctor.  He is seriously the best.  We have been through a lot already and he has never made me feel dumb or like I was over reacting about anything.  In fact, I would say he is the one always pushing to "just check and make sure" everything is fine. I LOVE that!
4.  I have 100% confidence that whatever happens, I'm in good hands with my doctors office, even when MY doctor is on vacation which is what happend with the SCH.  When I had the SCH, I had an ultrasound and was talking to the doctor less than 45 minutes after I called.  They are THAT awesome.
5.  I completely trust the most important men in my life more than ever, my Heavenly Father and my husband.  I know that my Heavenly Fathers hears and answers my prayers and I'm so grateful to have one of those answered prayers beside me every day of this journey.