Thursday, December 22, 2011

36 Weeks: Brain? What Brain?

I am pretty sure I no longer have a functioning brain or at least one that can only function on baby related tasks.  Sitting at work trying to focus on anything is a basically an exercise in futility.  I am working at about 10% of my normal right now.  I keep stopping what I'm doing to make yet another list.  I have about a million at this point.  I start thinking of things I need to do, then start freaking out a little, then make a list.  Making lists is comforting to me.  It tricks me into thinking I have control when really, I don't.  Hopefully with my days off I can actually being crossing more things off than adding them!
After Lydia Jane is born, I will have 6 weeks off and then I'm going back to work.  Right now it is what is best for our family, even though the thought of leaving her already stinks.  The good thing is that my mom will be the one keeping her so at least she will not be in daycare and will get a lot of one on one attention.  I struggled a lot with the idea of being a working mom.  Is my baby going to be well taken care of?  Will she still know I'm her mother?  And on and on.  What really helped me was seeing my sister in law, Jennifer, handle it so well.  We kept the boys one night for her and Mike to go on a date when Carson was about 8 months old.  I was holding him when Jenn walked in the house and he literally lit up the second he saw her, started kicking his little feet, and reaching for her.  Even though my nephew was doing everything possible to escape from me, it made me super happy because I was able to stop worrying my baby wouldn't love me as much if I wasn't the one caring for her 24/7.  Of course that is the ideal situation but it doesn't work out for everyone to do that right away and that's okay too.  You can still make it work.  I actually have a great job that I like with wonderful benefits.  I really couldn't have a better job than this one for being a working mom so I'm very grateful for that. 
I had my 36 weeks appointment today.  Everything still looks really good.  My blood pressure is normal, I didn't gain any weight and LJ's heartbeat is going strong.  I haven't dialated at all which doesn't bother me because I didn't really expect that I would have.  I'm content to let this girl grow in there for as long as she likes.  The doctor told me today that they would let me go up to 2 weeks late which means that she will be here February 1st at the absolute latest.  I'm super against being induced so I'm trying to start early having a patient attitude about it.  I know the bigger she gets, the harder that is going to be to do.  I actually feel really good right now though so hopefully that will continue.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

That's awesome you have family so close to help with Miss Lydia! Grandmas give lots of love and cuddles and are the very next best thing. You are her mother and shell never forget you :) the best feeling will be coming home from work and cuddling her, it's a very special moment and you are going to be a wonderful mother! It will be hard but Heavenly Father will provide a way for your family! I think you're awesome and hope you have a wonderful delivery!